The Bidding War - Review of 2014 Crow’s Theatre Production

Many years ago, I was having lunch with a friend on a busy commercial street in Toronto that had numerous real estate offices. He asked me if I knew any honest real estate agents. We had reason to know many of them and considered probably as many as a couple of dozens of them and I cannot recall finding a single trustworthy gentleman.
The Bidding War, Michael Ross Albert’s new play, reminded me of the incident and did nothing to improve my opinion of the integrity of the profession. I do not hasten to add that smearing all agents with the same brush is both unfair and untrue but the similarity of their characters as judged long ago and the image presented by Albert are frightfully similar.
The Bidding War is a fast-paced, frenetic and wild comedy that builds up to a hilarious climax in the first act and then cleans up many of the loose strands in the second act. It is an amazing feat of fine acting, speed, plot complications and comedy.
The title comes from the real estate market in Toronto where astronomical prices are paid for houses, sometimes through the method of forcing prospective buyers to increase their offers to purchase to stay ahead of other interested buyers who are doing the same thing.
There are four crooked real estate agents in the play attending the “open house” of a small house that is listed for sale at a mere $1.3 million. By Toronto standards, it is a bargain. The agents are Sam (the super kinetic Peter Fernandes) acting for June (Veronica Hortiguela), one of the owners. He is an over-excited agent with his first listing after two attempts to get his real estate license. Blayne (Aurora Browne) acting for Miriam (Fiona Reid), is a sharp and amoral person who has political and financial ambitions. Greg (Sergio di Zio) is a would-be actor for whom, as for the others, lying comes naturally and Patricia (Sophia Walker) who tries to appears as honest but is not. Don’t worry about keeping track of who is acting for whom because all the agents have the integrity of a pimp or a street walker waiting for the first man to wave at her.
The chicanery, mendacity treachery and duplicity practiced by all of them will set your head spinning and will probably be always a few steps ahead of what you can figure out. But it is always hilarious.
The buyers are in a class of their own. The invariably funny Fiona Reid as Miriam does not know the password for her bank account and asks her son to find it on the refrigerator. She is a peaceful woman who is driven to violence and ends up with a broken arm. She is marvelous.
Ian (Steven Sutcliffe) and Donovan (Izad Etemadi) are a gay couple with one of them wanting the house enthusiastically and desperately and the other showing reluctance. They are prepared to use chicanery and the climax of their pursuit is Ian’s collapse. Superb comic acting.
Lara (Amy Matysio) is seriously pregnant and her husband Luke (Gregory Prest) want a house. But they cannot agree on anything including asking his rich parents to help. The parents suspect that Lara married Luke for his parents’ money - just to add another complication to the plot.
Charlie (Gregory Waters) is well-endowed physically and financially and has the ego to go with those attributes. He is not represented by an agent and just dropped in to see the open house. The equally well-endowed Blayne and Charlie find that they have something more than that in common and I will not disclose why they visit the basement of the house.
Director Paolo Santalucia must maintain a breakneck pace that increases speed by the minute and builds up to a climactic scene. Make that, fight. The actors have to move and speak at a very brisk pace that is at times so fast it is incomprehensible, especially before the enthusiastic opening night audience. The performers carry us through with amazing aplomb despite some minor hiccups.
The complications keep mounting until the end of the first act. The second act is the denouement where we find out who had the highest bid and the fallout of the fights and complications of the previous act. There are a lot of loose ends to tie up and Albert may be in a hurry to do it. So be it. This is a hilarious play, funny, fast, well done and superb production for Crow’s Theatre.
The Bidding War by Michael Ross Albert continues until December 15, 2024, at the Guloien Theatre, Crow’s Theatre, 345 Carlaw Avenue, Toronto, Ontario.
http://crowstheatre.com/

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